Stephen and I had the conversation that all dating couples, who intend to marry, have:
"How many kids do you want?"
Back then we agreed on four. As close together as possible. Hopefully, by the time I turned 30.
Yeah, we were naive. But cut us some slack, most newlyweds think everything in life will go as planned. We can plan every second of our future but, we are not the sovereign ones.
Our story looks nothing like our plans:
Three miscarriages in two years.
A fourth pregnancy in which the Lord was so gracious.
A healthy little boy who is now 16 months old.
No pink lines since.
I turn 29 this year.
I realize that even typing a post about the yearning I have for more children risks coming across as ungrateful for the little boy we do have.
I assure you that is not the case.
However, I would say that my heartfelt desire for several children is just as strong (actually, stronger) as was my desire for one child.
Life doesn't go "as planned." Or, at least according to human plans. You'd totally think I would have learned that lesson by now. Obviously, I haven't and, obviously, the Lord knows I need more opportunity to let go of my plans and trust him.
So, instead of asking, "When, Lord?" We decided to ask, "How, Lord?" How can we use this desire for a "full house" now, in this current season? Instead of waiting idly, how can we use our time, resources, and desire to glorify the Lord, right now?
And, here is where we have landed...
So, pray for us. We are hopeful, scared, excited, and a bit unsure of what to expect. We have just begun the certification process and still have many hoops to jump through, but hope to be certified by the beginning of summer.
And, we are still hoping for some pink lines. :)