It was back to work today for me. I took Wednesday and Thursday off (besides 3 hours of training), but went back today to give a test on prime factorization, exponents, and order of operations. Do you hear that? That's the sound of my students groaning.
And, the devil tried to break me today. I got called the first racial explicative of the year. Ugh. I hate dirty words.
But, other than that, the day went well. I am starting to emerge from the “haze.” The past couple weeks have felt like I was just surviving. I guess my mind was constantly preoccupied. If you have been around me lately, you probably noticed I was forgetful, introverted, and slightly lethargic-acting. It was all I could do just to get up and drag myself to work.
Today, as I watched those little furrowed brows stare with confusion at their tests, I realize just how “absent-minded” I have been. Bless those poor babies, my heart has not been in my teaching, and that has had a bad impact on their learning. Even though I tried to “fake it,” my mind has been elsewhere. Mrs. Powell hasn’t been the motivating, loving and inspiring teacher she should be.
So, it is time to refocus! But, not to refocus on my work or my students, but to refocus on God who has placed a calling on my life.
It is not easy to be a good teacher under normal circumstances, throw in some stress and grief and it seems almost impossible. I want to make each child feel smart, special and capable. I want to love the unlovable. So, I am praying to be refocused. As I refocus, the Lord reminds me: It is not by my strength, but by His.